You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
