i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
