I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
