I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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