Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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