I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
