I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
