i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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