I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
