i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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