no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
