We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
