you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
