How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
