why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
