Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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