Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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