Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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