never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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