I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
