Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
