Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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