There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
