the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
