i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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