I think I won the penis lottery.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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