Just fell off a train. Bad.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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