My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
