well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
