thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
