Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
