I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
