Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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