He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
