I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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