I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
