Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
