the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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