I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
