A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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