I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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