We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
