Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
