I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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