ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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