I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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