So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
