I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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