So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
