i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
